What are good ways to talk to parents about their health care needs and how they want their children involved in making decisions?

Approaching the Situation

It can be difficult to talk to parents about health care, especially if you do not have a good communicative relationship about personal matters. Deciding on health care is a conversation that must be in person, face to face. When children become adults and have raised and supported their own families, they get the chance to see all the hard work their parents went through trying to raise them. As adults they begin to see that their parents are not as young and healthy as they once were and concerns are raised on how they will make sure their parents are maintaining themselves healthy to live many more years. Especially because they feel the need to give back to their parents after everything they have done for them.

The Difficulties

It is a difficult conversation because children want to be respectful of their parents decisions and it can be a touchy subject if a loved one has already passed away. Everyone has to be mindful of their parents and their beliefs because as people get old they can become stubborn. It is best to be honest in these situations because parents do not want to be a burden on their children and their families. Children want to do what is best for their parents. As a son or daughter trying to take care of their parents once they become older they have to consider a few things to make the process easier, they must be knowledgeable “and completely educated and have a conversation directly with [their] parents about their abilities and understand what is causing [those disabilities]” (Nicholas Huxley). It is not an easy task because sometimes parents can take some offense to the question of health care overall because they do not want to think about how they are getting old and sick. This type of conversation is tough to have because no one wants to think of the day they will no longer be in physical existence but it must be done because if you wait any longer your parents will become too old and “they [will not] be capable of making decisions” (Rhonda Wright). Most importantly if you have siblings then the parents must be able to be fully conscious and direct on what their wishes are in order for everyone to be on the same page and “[know what is] happening moving forward” (Rhonda Wright). Once those general questions like “what decisions do you want us or me to make if you were to be unconscious?” or “general questions about what they are concerned about and what they want” (Anna Nozick) are made then it is easier to make a plan and sometimes parents might not have a clear plan and that is when “you must step in”(Rick Roman)

Solutions

The solution for this situation is plain and simple as a son or daughter one must be direct and honest with their parents because the goal is to retrieve a certain and full plan on what is it that their parents want to do about their health care. Speaking with the truth will help out the relationship you have with your parents,"honesty is the best policy...most children have to bring up the subject to their parents first, because parents don't want to feel like a burden" (Lee Lee). It is a very touchy subject but it has to be done in order for there to be certainty and peace among a family. Children want to make sure they did everything that was in their hands to help out their parents. Another way that can ease this topic or conversation is the passing of another friend or family member  as Olivia Jones says "You can use an example of a difficult situation affecting a third party (friend, family, even movie characters) as a way to open the conversation and ask what they would want done" (Olivia Jones). Once this information [is received it] should be shared with all children of the family to help avoid family disagreements and the process to be clear and suitable for the parent that is growing older (Olivia Jones). As mentioned before it is not any easy topic for anyone but it has to be spoken about before anything tragic does happen to your loved ones. 

This page was developed from interviews with:

Nicholas Huxley, Rhonda Wright, Anna Nozick, Rick Roman, Lee Lee, Olivia Jones